Every single time I throw myself head first into a new adventure, plan out everything, think this is what is finally going to make me happy, everything will be perfect once I get here. And then after 4 or 5 months everything turns sour and feels like shit. I’m trapped once again, hating life and dreaming of better places and so again I plan something new.
Been doing this for 5 ish years, moved thousands of miles, started new jobs, lived in new flats in new places, met new people and none of it works. I can’t settle, can’t feel comfortable or happy and I’m always itching to run away to a new place and start all over again.
So here I am on the 8th or 9th try, planning to move halfway across the world to start again, cos I’ve convinced myself that happiness is somewhere else. Feels like I’m endlessly chasing false leads on a long gone cold case.
Getting tired now and running out of excuses to tell people why things I always think are going to work out well, never do. Why I never want to stick around and make things work, why I always want to run away.